Bleach Under the Sea
by TheOppositesAlchemist
Summary: Spawned from who knows what-we were bored at a football game-this is a mixture of crack and an actual story. Hopefully though, it'll make you laugh. Rated because I have no friggin idea what this will grow into. NOTE; Discontinued, but kept for amusement
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This a co-op story between ScratchFox and I, but I took up writing it since she got sidetracked in what is sure to be an awesome crossover between Bleach and...well, I 'll let you see later. Oh yes, and this is also half crack fic. Have fun!**

**DISCLAIMER: My name is not Tite Kubo, and I'm pretty sure The Little Mermaid was made before I was born.**

Foreword

Introductions should be made...

Raki(moi): Hello there! Welcome to our happy little crossover! Since you actually clicked on this story, I know you must not be expecting anything serious, and you shall not be dissapointed! Say hello to our other host!

Scratch:...hi.

Raki: Isn't she nice?

Scratch: Shaddup. Shouldn't you be starting the story?

Raki: Oh yeah! Today we will introduce you to our three main characters! Scratch, why don't you start?

Scratch: Can't you use anything other than a ! or ? Anyway, here's our mainest character, Ariel!

*Orihime swims out, waving*

Orihime: Oh my God, this is so exciting, can you believe I have FINS? *swims repeatedly in circles*

Scratch: Hey Raki, you're no longer the most annoying person here!

Raki: *scowls* Ignore her. I take it you're happy to be here, Ariel?

Orihime: YES!

Scratch: Well, let's continue. Next is...Flounder.

?: I'M NOT COMING OUT! MAKE SEBASTIAN GO FIRST!

Raki: *sigh* I knew we chose a bad person for Flounder...

Scratch: But we couldn't help it.

Raki: Well then, let's give a warm welcome to Sebastian!

?: No.

Raki: Please? Flounder won't come out.

?: ...Fine. *grumble grumble*

*Out swims a crab with Uryuu's face on it*

Both: Pffft!

Orihime: Aww, Uryuu you're so cute!

Uryuu: Please remind me why I'm a crab?

Scratch: Well, you seemed the most...mature.

Raki: And freaking hilarious! *is elbowed* I mean, yes, mature.

Uryuu: *faceclaw*

Scratch: Now, for Flounder!

?: I SAID NO!

Raki: Oh come on, don't be such a spoil sport!

?: No! Make Ichigo go!

Scratch: You know we can't, he's busy destroying SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

Raki: Aw look, now we set off the spoiler alarm. Now get out here, we need a Flounder to make this believable.

?: You're breaking the fourth wall right now.

Scratch: Touche.

Raki: This is your last chance...

?: I REFUSE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

Scratch: Ok then, we warned you...

Raki: Come on everyone!

*Everybody drags out (with much, much effort) a yellow and blue striped fish frantically flailing it's fins...with Tatsuki's head*

Tatsuki: I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!

Raki: RUN AWAY!

*All scatter*

Scratch: *from a safe bunker along with the others as the deadly fish wreaks havoc outside* This has been cut short by a homocidal rage! We will continue once we manage to scrounge up a better cast and calm down Tatsuki.

Uryuu: So yea, you might have to be a little patient.

Raki: Oh, and sorry about using this as an excuse to procrastinate on my other story! I promise it'll be out before December!

Scratch: You can't promise what you can't remember...

Raki: Shaddup!

*Explosion* I WILL MASSACRE YOU ALL!

*OH LAWRD!* *MY LEGS!* *Legs? Wtf, you live underwater.* *Ummm...is this story seriously still going?*


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: Like I mentioned before, I never thought up any shinigami, and I would have to be much older than I am to create The Little Mermaid.**

**The Story Officially Begins**

_I'll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue_

_And it's hey to the starboard, heave ho_

_Look out, lad, a mermaid be waitin' for you_

_In mysterious fath-_

"Do they really have to be singing?" sighs a young man at the front, er, bow of the ship, raking his fingers irrately through light orange hair. For the purposes of this story, his name is Eric. Now, Ich-Eric, I said Eric, turns to his dog-erm, fox (that happens to be taller than him) and asks, "Why the hell are we here? I thought this was supposed to be a cruise vacation for us to finally take a break!"

The fox turns to him and glances down at a cue card which he is failing at concealing in his largeish hand."Um, arf. Arf." Then he turns to face off-screen and yells "Arf? Seriously? I am an extremely powerful captain, who you are quite lucky to have the talent of working for you, and my ONLY line is 'Arf?' That's it, I'll see ya back at the Soul Society!" He then stomps off, presumably teleporting magically to the Soul Society, until we hear rather suspicious thumps and rustles, then a slam. We see Eric looking slightly frightened now, his eyes wide and occasionally flickering off-set while he speaks.

"U-uhh, Isn't this great? The brisk sea air, wind blowing in your face. I-it's a great day to be at sea." It's sound rather forced, and a voice hisses from outside your view, sounding like, "Sound more heroic or you'll be joining Mr. Captain in the closet!" But that really couldn't be it, you probably misheard...I hope.

A pirate-y looking sailor, part of the crew comes up to Eric and says with a face that haunts the nightmares of many,"A strong wind and a following sea. King Triton must be in a good mood today." Eric shudders. This man, with his eyepatch, scars, and strangely pointy hair that gives the impression of something on top of a Satanic Christmas Tree, obviously discomforts the prince. *Mutters* Okay, put him in as many other scenes with Eric as you can!

"K-king Triton? Isn't he the Merperson King?" You can tell Eric is trying to sound heroic, but between the fright of whatever is off-screen and this...gentleman, it's rather strained.

"Yep, the very one," says the sailor while his eyes seem to be trying to drill a hole in Eric's skull.

"Nonsense, merpeople don't exsist. Ignore him, Ichi-Eric. No offense Captain," the bald butler hurredly adds as he looks worriedly at the sailor. Then a voice sounds faintly off-set again. The butler yells in response,"What? I'm sorry, but I'd prefer to keep my head!" A small pink-haired girl appears over the sailor's shoulder and giggles.

"It's alright, if Ken-chan does cut off your head we can always use it as a nice shiny bowling ball!"

"Why you little-" Then the director calls a scene change before this gets even worse.

~~~^~~^~~~~~-O~~~~~~~~BLEACH UNDER THE SEA~~~~~~~~\O/~~~~\_/~~~~

~~~~~~~~==O==~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0~~~

A board looking like that of the one above is lowered creakily into a scene set underwater with many swimming merpeople extras, including a white-haired child with someone who looks older enough to be his mother, even though she has orange hair. The two seem to be arguing over pointless cameos that will never go anywhere. Eh, doesn't matter. It's not like we'll be seeing them again.

The director, a girl who seems thirteen with short brown hair and glasses, finishes yelling at the decoration commitee, made up of a laid back Spanish looking captain that radiates relaxed feeling, that pink-haired girl from before, and another captain with long black hair and a strange looking hair-pin-thing that seems reluctant to be there. Then she goes back to sit, fuming, with her co-director, a girl almost a year older than her, two or three inches taller and shorter black-brown hair, a ninja t-shirt, and a sticker-label on her cheek reading SCRATCH. She is currently taking a nap, which explains how the one director managed to attach the sticker...but when she wakes up...

Anyways, to get back to the story at hand, King Triton is announced. An old man, with a long white beard, a faded scar on his forehead, and an aura of kick-assingness, tears into the large area on a chariot pulled by two large seahorses. The large crowd applauds and cheers, as you see many more pointless cameos including a strange giant mouse in red pants along with a white duck in a blue sailor outfit and a tall...dog with a green hat and a full outfit on. You blink and they disappear. Probably an illusion...Well then...

Then a crab scuttles akwardly over to King Triton. He is especially strange due to the fact that he is bespectacled and blue with a white cross on his shell.

"I'm quite looking forward to this Sebastian," says the old man cheerily, waving with his triton to the audience. He is well into this role. If only everyone else would act better...

"Yea your Majesty, it'll be great. This concert'll be-" He is stopped abrubtly as the younger director stomps onto the stage, grabs Sebastian and stomps back off stage. Everyone then begins talking amongst themselves like when a teacher leaves the room to reprimand a misbehaving kid out in the hall. What is she yelling at him for?

"You heard me, a Jamaican accent! You have to play the part, or else!"

"Or else what?"

"Or else I'm a freaking fanfic author! I can hack your reality and switch you to a D-Average student with an emo problem."

"You're bluffing."

"Hellloo? I'm breathing underwater, the shinigami are all mermaids, and you're a CRAB. If I were you, I'd listen to me."

"...fine."

"Fine what?"

"*sigh*Fine _mon_."

"There we go."

Sebastian is chucked back on screen as it continues. He swims up to the poduim and, after three attempts, grasps a conducter's stick twice his height and prepares the orchestra.

"Ok, mons and monettes, be prepared for de greatest concert eva!" While everyone struggles to keep a straight face, the concert begins. A hairpin floats onto the concert stage area and begins to glow. Out come six mini-mermaids, one of which looks prepared to rip the first person who laughs in two. They start singing in voices ranging from soprano to tenor, because I highly doubt anything that small can sing baritone.

_Ah, we are the daughters of Triton._

_Great father who loves us and named us well:_

_Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Atina, Adella, Allana._

_And then there is the youngest in her musical debut,_

_Our seventh little sister, we're presenting her to you,_

_To sing a song Sebastian wrote, her voice is like a bell,_

_She's our sister, Ar-i . . ._

The great shell opens up to reveal...nothing. Ariel is missing! Everyone feigned shock, rather poorly in fact. However, when a certain someone off set reached towards her battle-axe, they all suddenly became better actors. King Triton is very upset with the fact that his daughter is gone. Red in the face, he yells.

"ARIEL!"

The camera switches to a sunken ship while everyone else goes on a break. You see an orange haired teenager with green fins as her bottom half flitting around with a yellow and blue fish storming along after her. The fish looks very pissed off, yet not as homocidal as before. Thank the Lord she's calmed down...and in a more deserted area.

"Hey, Tatsuki...I mean Flounder! Come check this out!" the delighted mermaid shouts out to her grumbling friend.

"What is it, another rotting board? We should probably get outta here...it's looks like something dangerous is lurking around,"replies the fish, with a mixture of irritation of concern.

"Oh come on, you aren't getting cold fins, are you?" Her friend facefins at this pun. Ariel giggles. "Fine, then you can stay out here and keep watch for sharks!" The girl swims through the porthole.

"Sh-sharks? Stop bluffing, the director said nothing about sharks." Flounder glances nervously around. "B-but she might've mentioned something dangerous in there, so wait up!" The cute little fishy tries to squeeze in through the porthole but gets stuck. After some words I refuse to repeat here, she yells out to her friend.

"Hey, Ariel! Help me! I'm stuck in this [freaking] porthole!" Ariel turns to see a highly disgruntled Flounder with half of her body wedged into the porthole, flippers hanging uselessly, and looking altogether pathetic. While being unwedged, Flounder mentions,"You don't seriously believe there are sharks out there, do you? I mean I think the director is at least slightly sane."

"Oh, don't be such a guppy!" Ariel laughs.

"What? I'm not a guppy!" denies Flounder as she pops in. "You know I'm fine with all of this stuff, you know, adventure, excitement-" She paused. "Erm, is that a skull? Oh my God, I thought this was a kids movie!"

"You should've thought of that before using those rude words," states Ariel while examining a fork. "Hey, do ya think Scuttle would know what this is? Meh, I'll just put it in my bag for later." A swishing of water, similar to the sound of something passing outside is heard by the duo.

"Erm, Ariel, did you just hear something? Something swooshy and worrying?"

Ariel is too absorbed with an old smoking pipe."Hm, I wonder what this fascinating object is?"

Flounder hears the noise again and taps her shoulder. "Ariel, really-"

"Oh, would you relax Flounder? We're fine!" Ariel assures Flounder before sifting through a drawer. Flounder sighs and gives up. Then, she notices a shadow. A large, looming shadow.

"She did not..." gapes the fish, before turning to Ariel and shouting,"SHARK! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Ariel spins around just as the giant beast crashes through the barnacle-crusted wall. Thus, the chase begins. As they weave around posts, in and out of doors, and shove down bookcases and other random things, the shark just crashes through everything, including the floors. Damn, they're not lending ME any more ships for sets...

"The director! She is seriously mental!" screams Flounder. "She tossed us in with actual sharks and didn't even tell us!" Off screen you hear an excuse of wanting a good reaction. What won't she do for a good movie? O-of course it's perfectly resonable, wanting an accurate reaction. *Eyes battle-axe nervously*

Anyway, the chase finally concludes with the shark being finally trapped, with the over-sized head shoved through a hole in the top of a rusty old anchor. A scared-senseless Flounder insisted they should make it sushi, but the idea was shot down when Ariel pointed out that it would technically be cannibalism. So, they decided to leave it trapped as they abandoned it, forgetting completely about the incident. Well, maybe except Flounder.

Now for another scene switch. This time we're above water, but still far off from land. You see a rock with a stange looking seagull on it. Why is it strange? Maybe because you don't generally see too many seagulls with a green-and-white striped hat. Currently, this seagull is looking through a telescope, backwards actually. Through it he spots Ariel and Flounder. He puts it down and greets them.

"Why hello Orihime! You too Tatsuki! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's randomly changed form. At least they let me keep my hat," he sighed with relief. A paper airplane hits him in the head. After pulling it down and quickly skimming it, he says, "Ohhhh," and puts it away.

"Ahoy there Ariel! How are ya doing!" Good, now he's in character. Glad to know he'll be safe, he's one of my favorite characters.

"Hey there...Scuttle...look what we found!" replies Ariel, holding out her bag.

"Yeah, we found it in a sunken ship that she just HAD to check out," adds Flounder. Scuttle shuffles through the pack and grabs out the fork.

"Oh, looky here. This...this is quite rare," says Scuttle, getting well into the character. "This here, is a dinglehopper! People use these things to fix up their hair. I would show you how to use it, but I refuse to remove my hat, so Ururu here will demonstrate it for you." The bird yanks a small, nervous looking girl onto the rock and hands her the fork. She hesitantly stcks it in her hair, twists it a little, and pulls it out, giving her some cute little curls atop her head. Ariel looks facinated, but Flounder, being out of character again, looks annoyed.

"Are you crazy? You're supposed to eat with that, not stick it in your hair!" Scuttle then motions with his wing and a small red haired boy jumps in and hits her head with a baseball bat. Then, just as quickly, he leaves, taking Ururu with him. Ariel shouts in alarm as Flounder mutters a string of curses. I think the director and Scuttle will get along just fine...

"Now since we've fixed that problem..."says the seagull, reaching back into the bag. "Ooh, this one is nice too. An exotic banded, bulbous snafblat!" Flonder looks like she wants to say something, but instead rubs the bump on her head with some irritation. "The snarfblat dates back to prehistoric times when people just sat in around and stared at each other all day. Got very boring. So they invented this," he flourishes the...snarfblat,"to make music. Let me demonstrate." Scuttle blows into it and out comes Beethoven's Fifth. Everyone stares in shock. They didn't know the level of his epicness ran this high.

Then Ariel snaps out of it. "Music...The concert! Oh my God my father is gonna kill me!

"The concert? That was today! Crap!" shouts Flounder.

"Thanks alot Scuttle, but we have to run!" Ariel apologizes.

Scuttle sighs. "It's alright! I'll be fine...Don't forget your bag!" Ariel thanks him again and the two swim off. Little did they know that Scuttle had forgotten to mention that the bag was now missing a few items.

Yet another scene change. As Ariel and Flounder speed by in a hurry, there are two suspicious shadows luking nearby, watching. Through their eyes, the main villian in her lair can see them through a magic globe. Now because I am very suspenseful I won't tell you who it is yet. All you can see in a dark shadow covering the thing and a few black tentacles. Then she speaks.

"Yes, hurry home princess, you wouldn't want to miss your father's celebration, would you? Ha! Celebration indeed. In my day, there we grand feasts. Now look at me! Banished, wasted away to almost nothing, while those flimsy fish-folk celebrate! Well, I'll give em something to celebrate soon enough! G-I mean, Flotsam! Jetsam! Keep a close eye on that girl! She may be the key to Ichi-I mean, Triton's undoing..." Woooo menacing! Now that the random threat is over and we've introdiced the main antagonist, let's continue.

Now we are in a grand cavern, used as a throne room. We see a frustrated King Triton sitting in his great throne and a still embarrassed Sebastian on the arm of the throne, trying not to be seen. Ariel and Flounder are in front of them with their heads down like naughty children.

"I just don't know what to do with you young lady!" says an exasperated King Triton.

"Dad, I'm sorry, I just forgot and-" replies Ariel, but she's cut off.

"As a result of your careless behaviour..." Everyone stares at Sebastian, waiting for his line. A long stick edges in the side and jabs him.

"Wha? Oh. Careless and reckless behaviour." he says flatly. Jab. "Mon."

Triton continues. "The entire celebration was, er-"

"Ruined. Completely destroyed," Sebastian once again says robotically. Then he notices the director ordering crab dip. Similar to what happened with the others before, he magically becomes a better actor. "The concert was going to be the peak of my career, and now thanks to you I'm a laughing stock!" That is the truth, but for an entirely different reason.

"But it's not her fault!" Flounder interjects to protect her friend."There was a shark that chased us, but then we were safe, but then there was a seagull and a fork he thought was a dinglehopper and a baseball bat and-"

"Seagull?" asks Triton angrily. "You went up to the surface again didn't you? Didn't you?"

"Nothing happened!" reassured Ariel, but Triton ignored it.

"How many times must I tell you? One of those barbarians, those humans could've seen you!"

"They aren't barbarians!"

"They are dangerous! I don't want my daughter caught by some fish hook!"

"I'm sixteen! Stop treating me like a child!" Now Ariel was almost in tears.

"Don't talk to me like that! As long as you live in my ocean, you will listen to my rules!"

"Just listen to me!"

"No. I don't want to ever hear about your going to the surface again! Do you understand me?" Ariel turns and swims away, crying underwater and therefore defying physics. Then again, she's a mermaid, so it doesn't matter. Flounder is about to beat up Triton for making Ariel cry until someone takes her aside and explains that she was only faking it for the show. Then she goes off and tries to find Ariel, leaving Triton and Sebastian, who is still feeling the need to act well.

"Bah, teenagers. Give em an inch and dey swim all over you. Mon," Sebastain scoffs.

"Do...do you think I was too hard on her?" Triton asks worriedly.

"No! If she were my daughter, I'd make sure she knows who in charge. None of dis visiting da surface nonsense. I'd keep her under tight control."

"Hm. I suppose...yes, you're absolutely right Sebastian," says Triton confidently.

"Of course."

"Ariel needs constant supervision."

"Constant."

"Someone to keep her out of trouble."

"All de time-"

"And YOU are just the crab to do it."

"Ye-what?"

We now see Sebastian scuttling down a corridor away from the throne room, muttering to himself.

"How do I get myself into dese situations? I should be studying, not being a plaything to a demented director..." Um, does he remember he's onstage? He got the first line right at least. Then he notices Ariel swimming by. "Oh crap." He glances at the camera. "Er, I wonder what dat girl is up to now?" Then Sebastian starts swimming rather quickly after Ariel.

At one point Ariel stops and looks cautiously around. Sebastian hides behind a rock and watches as Ariel tries to pull a boulder away from an opening. After a few attempts, Flounder sighs and helps push it then swim inside and Sebastian manages to squeeze in just as the rock closes behind him with a slam. Inside was...well, not at all what he expected, because apparently none of these guys saw The Little Mermaid as kids. Weirdos. Except for Orihime obviously. Why do you think she's so enthusiastic and can play the character perfectly?

Inside was a very, very tall cavern with shelves lining the walls, covered with random objects. At the very top was an opening that led directly above water. Sebastian gaped as Flounder wondered how the decoration crew got all this stuff in here before the movie began. Ariel, however, quickly regained her sad composure for this scene.

"If only he would understand! I just don't see things the way he does. I don't see how I world that makes such wonderful thing," she gestures to all the stuff crowding the space,"could be so bad."

_Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat?_

_Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?_

_Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything?_

Her voice sounds strangly echoed. Everyone looks around confused before noticing the director quietly singing along. The other director, the one named Scratch, wakes up and slaps her, telling her to be quiet. Ariel continues.

_Look at this trove, treasures untold_

_How many wonders can one cavern hold?_

_Lookin' around here you'd think, 'Sure, she's got everything.'_

Now Ariel begins swimming around and picking up various objects while singing.

_I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty._

_I've got whozits and whatzits galore!_

_You want thingamabobs? I got twenty._

_But who cares? No big deal._

_I want more..._

Now the director is humming, much to the annoyance of Scratch. She snaps, "Raki, shaddup! You're ruining this scene!" Raki sticks her tongue out and starts pouting.

_I wanna be where the people are._

_I wanna see, wanna see them dancing_

_Walking around on those...Whad'ya call them? Oh - feet._

_Flipping your fins you don't get too far._

_Legs are required for jumping, dancing_

_Strolling along down a...What's that word again? Street_

Sebastian, who has become bored and fiddling with things wonders why Ariel is so forgetful.

_Up where they walk, up where they run_

_Up where they stay all day in the sun!_

_Wandering free, wish I could be part of that world._

_What would I give if I could live out of these waters?_

_What would I pay to spend a day, warm on the sand?_

Eric, who walks by since he's on his break, wonders who's singing. After listening to that pat about warm sand, he begins longing for a nice vacation. Then someone walks by and rushes him out to the next scene, one that he's in.

_Betcha on land they understand_

_Bet they don't reprimand their daughters._

_Bright young women sick of swimming, ready to stand,_

_And ready to know what the people know._

_Ask them my questions and get some answers_

_What's a fire and why does it, what's the word? Burn?_

Some people begin to wonder if we are really wasting paper space to fit in this whole song. The answer is yes, yes we are. The director really likes this song, so we apologize, but tough it out. We're almost done.

_When's it my turn?_

_Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore above?_

_Out of the sea, wish I could be part of that world._

Sebastian, who had earlier in the song been startled by his own reflection in a spoon or something, was caught in a jar. Now, after rolling about quite a bit, he fell down making a loud clatter. Ariel and Flounder turn and notice for the first time that he's there.

"Sebastian?" Ariel yells.

"What...what is all dis?" Sebastian responds, still awed by all the stuff.

"Erm...just my collection..." Ariel says sheepishly.

"Oh I see, your collection." Sebastian says. "IF YOUR FATHER KNEW ABOUT DIS PLACE HE'D-" Sebastian is cut off by a freaked out Ariel grabbing him.

"You wouldn't tell him!" shouts Flounder threateningly.

"Please Sebastian, he wouldn't understand!" pleads Ariel. Sebastian sighs.

"Listen Ariel, you're under alot of pressure down here. Come with me and-" He is cut off by a ship passing overhead. Ariel looks up in wonder.

"What do you suppose that is?" she says out loud before taking off for the shape. Flounder and Sebastian follow. They arrive on the surface to see a boat with fireworks and party sounds.

**A/N Haha! Yesh, I'm stopping here because I'm lazy. -3- Yea...I WILL complete it though! The only problem is finishing my other story...total writers block. Meh. Remember to review or Uruhara will send that weird kid with the bat after you :3**


End file.
